Moving Forward

Purpose.

2009-05-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

One thing I've been learning in the past couple months is Purpose. I believe each and everyone was made with a purpose in mind. We weren't assigned one at birth, at our sweet sixteen or the day we became an adult. I believe God was sitting in heaven and knew something needed to be done, so he thought :

"i'm going to make a person and she shall be called Jacquelyn. I need her to do (insert purpose here), so I will give her to John and Anne Penner to be her parents, and she'll need two older brothers to form her into what I need her to be, they will be the perfect family to mold her into what I need her to be. Satan will throw obsticales at her course. He will do horrible things to her, but what he doesn't know is that those things will make her stronger for my task. He will take something from her at a young age, but she will sail higher BECAUSE of that. He will tell her she's dumb, but one day she'll realize he was lying and that will make her study harder just to prove him wrong. He will tell her she's fat and ugly, but she will know that she was fearfully and wonderfully made, so she'll tell Satan to shove it, and stand up straighter and smile brighter which will in turn make her even more beautiful than before. Then he'll make her feel like she's alone in this big world, but she'll realize very quickly that I will never leave her or forsake her, and this will draw her closer to me and farther from him. When she's 20 I'm going to start tugging at her heart and put MY obstacles in her path. This will lead her to awesome people and she'll remember everything her parents taught her about me when she was little. She'll accept my love and live full fledged for me. Satan will still try to get her away from me, but she knows I'm her dad and I hold her future. She'll begin to live in a way to fulfill the reason i sent her to earth, she'll accept my task and work diligently at it with a happy and joyful heart. She will FINALLY know how much i planned her and how much I love her and how much I want her to succeed. She will finally realize to me, there will never be a more beautiful you."

I believe that's how I got here. I believe I have a purpose. I believe that fulfilling my purpose will be my greatest task. I believe I am beautiful and highly favored. Listen to this song and these lyrics. I believe there will never be a more beautiful me. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI_YG40uEDk

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

The tears start!

2009-05-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

Sarah is picking up on the fact that I am leaving. This week, she keeps coming up to me and asking me to snuggle her for just a little while. I pick her up, put her cheek to mine, and we rock back and forth for a good 15 minutes at a time. During this time, I wipe my tears without her seeing, because I won't have much more time to snuggle with her. and boy will I miss that. Aimee and I have been having crazy hearts to heart. I feel so loved by this family, it's so hard to move on. In a way i wish I wasn't so close to them because it'd be easier to leave. But as aimee made me pinky swear her yesterday, we WILL still see eachother so I'm going to be thankful for that!

Earls Girl???

2009-05-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

If you would have asked me three months ago what I'd be doing now... I'd probably have told you "working for the Nichols, spending my summer weekends at the beach, hanging out with my friends, shopping!" But in the past 6 weeks my life has took a totally different path. It's amazing how powerful a 'god i'm servant, bring change, and put me on your path instead of mine' kind of prayer can actually be.

1. I got accepted to Vanguard for fall.

2. I'll be moving into sherwood park at the end of the month with a lady from my church. She's single, retired, and so generous! It's a 3 bedroom condo in Village on the Lake(a subdivision just off Wye Road). It's walking distance to the bus stop, and all the necessities.

3. I decided I'd apply at Earls, since it's so close(again walking distance!) and my friend worked there through university and made AWESOME tips. They offered me almost full -time hours for the summer, so now I'm an Earls Girl! I think this job will be a good fit, because I'll be able to work there through the school year aswell, which will be great! It'll be interesting being in that kind of environment, after working out of my home for the past 4 years! I'm really looking forward to that change though!

4. My dad is going to come and pick up my car the first weekend of June. Good Bye Silver Bullet! That's okay, m ost college students don't have a car anyways, right??? Right. Well at least that's what I'll keep telling myself!

So as you can see, nothing is the same as it was even 6 weeks ago. I'm so excited, and ready for change! I'm going to continue walking through each door that opens up, because the Lord is bringing in the harvest right now! PTL!

Blessed Be Your Name

2009-04-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

I was driving last week and the song Blessed be your name by tree63 came on. I've heard this song countless times through my childhood/teen years/adult life. However for some reason it struck me as i'd never heard it before. Maybe It's because i've got tons i'm dealing with right now, maybe it's because I actually stopped and listened to the words, either way This song is touching me this week, and I wanted you all to listen to it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cAvqByM1Fk

I love that in the midst of heartache, in the midst of trouble, in the midst of a storm we can still say Lord Blessed be your name! I am so thankful for a saviour, I am so thankful that theres so much more than just this. I am so excited to watch god's plan in my life unflod one piece at a time. I had supper with Florence Mills on monday night, and I will be living with her in sherwood park, 2 blocks from the bus station. I don't believe in co-incidents, I believe god set up a meeting between the two of us, beause it's juts too perfect for that to not be the case. I'm learning htis year to not worry. God's in control, I am not. Why shoud I worry when he's taking care of each piece along the way.

grace is enough

2009-04-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

This truly is turning out to be an Awesome April.

I've been accepted into school, my dad is buying my car off of me, I've found a place to live for fall... all the pieces I've needed to fall into place are falling into place! This month I chose to accept any blessings the Lord chooses to pour down on me, and boy the flood gates are open! Walking in grace in love is really the only way to walk if you ask me.

I'm so happy and thankful for the way my life is turing out. I know I am god's beloved and since ackonwledging it and walking in that way, nothing can get me down, because I know that resting at the feet of the lord and waiting for him to take care of all the pieces is so less stressful and so full of peace. Why have I been so worried about things in the past when really, I have no control over any of it anyways. It doesn't matter what satan will throw my way, I am the Lord's beloved, my daddy is stronger than him, and he will continue to defeat him in each situation. Do I deserve that? No. And that's why they call it grace!

I'm so in awe at how my whole life has been turned upside down in the past 6 weeks, and frankly... i love it. I'm so excited to see what's next for me! And I'm so happy to wait upon his guidance!

15 degrees celcius

2009-04-06T16:04:00.000-07:00

My title is worth a post alone. +15 degrees!!! Winter is over!! PTL!! I just went for a run down the river, up the glenora hill to the ledge, and back home... okay i lied i walked up and down the hills, but i did run the rest of it... okay fine it was more like a jog... but the point is that i was able to go outside and exercise without my lungs screaming at me. Also.. note to self: when the weather is above 10 you don't need to wear a jogging shirt, long sleeved tshirt, a zip hoodie, light jacket and vest. I only made it half way down the street and had to start stripping down.

I decided I'm going to be a runner again. When i lived in Engalnd, I ran from my house in Ashby de la Launde, all the way to Digby almost every other day. I think the only person who reads this that would actually know those places would be Pete... for the rest of you... it was about 11k round trip. It would take me around an hour, and that was straight running with no stopping, with a big hill i'd have to run up and down. Coincidently I also had the best legs of my life at that point. Oh how i miss those legs and look forward to seeing them again this summer!

Awesome April

2009-04-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

I am having an Awesome April. This is not by coincidence but by choice. I made a choice to walk in my Fathers love and favor and to recieve whatever he wants to pour out on me. I am making a choice to walk through each door he opens. I am making a choice to not only ask for the things I need to happen in my life, but believe that The Lord will give. I am making a choice to walk in faith knowing my God will always provide. I am making a choice to trust no matter what, and let him be in total control. I am making a choice to not let it be about my choices, but his. I believe I am going to have an Awesome April, and I hope yours will be awesome too!

IM IN!

2009-04-02T12:50:00.001-07:00

I received my acceptance letter today! I'm in!

Giddy

2009-04-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling when you get a crush on a boy and you can't stop smiling, and you just wait on him and anytime you hear from him/see him/feel him/think about him you just smile ear to ear? That's how I feel about Jesus theses days. He excites me and brings me a type of joy i never knew possible. I want to tell everyone I know about how much he shows his love to me, and how much he can show his love to you! I hope you choose to accept it, because it has definitely changed my life!

HomeComing/misc

2009-04-01T12:59:00.000-07:00

So my cousin Darlene and I are coming home for Easter. She lives in Red Deere so it works out quite conveniently for us to car pool! For those interested I will be in Steinbach on Thursday afternoon until Monday night! Those of you who are family, I believe my dad is having a get together at his place saturday afternoon... so put it in your schedule!! I'm really looking forward to being at Southland for Easter Sunday- they always put on a good show!

Also, I've recently applied for child and family ministry at Vanguard College. I got an email today saying all my forms have been received and they are now being reviewed by the admissions department. I know for most of you the last thing you (and myself included) would have thought me to be is a pastor of any form... even if it is a children's pastor! However my God has bigger plans for my life than I could have ever imagined, and I will walk through every door he opens! I really have been feeling God tugging me this way since last spring. I believe this is his will for me and I plan on pursuing it full heartedly, until he leads me elsewhere! I am believing for admittance, a place to live and around $3000. Maybe you think that's a lot for me to believe for, but I know that If God's will is for me to be in this program, every single piece of the puzzle will fall into place at the right time. I'm looking forward to big changes and totally walking in faith!

Join me on this journey! Pray for me and believe with me that funding will come through, that I will be accepted and the admittance will come quickly, and that God will provide the perfect family to board me during the school year!

Sorry!

2009-03-19T09:47:00.001-07:00

Hey guys i know it's been a while-sorry! I hope all is well with my friends in blog land! Things have been crazy lately! This past month has completly turned me upside down and shot me out in a new direction! Things in my world are changing, and they are changing so fast! Exciting, and also terrifying! I have no idea what i'm doing this is the first time when i've had ZERO control over my life! It's really cool watching god weave all these strings together i'm so excited to see the outcome!

I had a fantastic weekend! Friday night the girls got together! My wonderful friend D hooked me up not only with piggies in a blanket, but chunky monkey too! If thats not love... i don't know what is! Saturday I went on a lunch date, which was a good date, but i don't forsee a second. I got a stupid parking ticket during the date so that sucked, but hey-what can ya do? Saturday night i met D for coffee and then headed over to my friends place to hang with the girls while the guys watched hockey! Sunday was church and then lunch with the H family. After lunch headed over to the Jackson farm for some toboggoning, that turned into me watching those crazy kelly's toboggon. Those guys are CRAZY-going over ramps, going down the steepest hills, almost running into barbed wire. I thought my skills were better used taking pictures of them doing these things, so thats what i did. okay fine i'm chicken.

Tuesday we had a great bible study then headed over to my friends house for a st patty's party for green beer and games! I lov emy friends. I have the best friends ever!

A shout out list to some (but not all!) of my favorite people!

2009-02-24T21:46:00.000-08:00

I am once again in awe at how many amazing strong godly people god has brought into my life and molded friendships out of! I am surrounded by the best people i've ever met!

Dion- I love our shared love of everything

Roma- I tell you this all the time but you are probably the funniest person I've ever met and i love how i can tell you anything

Annelies- is the most beautiful person i've encountered on the inside and on the out

Brandi- i love your confidence and you're straight up attitude with no BS ever, plus i love having another tall hot blonde friend who loves to bake with me!

Sarah- you are so real! you tell everything as it is and when you speak it's so genuine!

Vikk- you're my little sister i never had! i think your fantastic, adn i'm so proud of all you're choices you are making!

Jolene- you are the strongest person i know and you give me strength by just being who you are!

Janet- you get me out to do things i'd never think of doing on my own! I love your fun loving nature

Lindsay- you are so encouraging and so supportive! I love your positive outlook on everything, and how you speak so highly of everyone!

Agnes- i love how you conctantly email me my favorite rescipes, pictures of my favorite little guy, updates of home, it makes me feel so missed and loved! You make me feel so special all the tiem wiht your emails!

Amy- i don't think i'll ever be as comfortable as i am with you with anyone else! i share some of the funniest moments in my life with you!

ANg- You're the sister i never had, but loved like one since the day i was your flower girl! You are the most important person in my life.

You all have a different place in my life and i'm so thankful for each of you!

interesting.

2009-02-20T16:52:00.000-08:00

The first time I ever heard god 'speak' was in grade 11. It was around this time of year and it was clear and i was stunned. I forgot about it until this week. He told me something about my future and I thought it would turn out a certain way and when it didn't, i put it out of mind. i think he's bringing it out right now. Kinda cool and scary and awesome all at the same time. I'm praying that the right doors be opened and he will lead me and i'll have the courage to follow! You can pray for me too!

I am loved.

2009-02-19T20:14:00.000-08:00

We are piggy backing our bible study with the well ladies this year. We're watching a DVD series by Joseph Prince. Boy that man can preach. I honestly feel like my faith has been changed drasticaly in the past 2 months.

I've never felt Gods love like this before. I always knew it was there and i could rely on it, but i'm actually feeling it now. I'm changing my focus from my love for him to his love for me. When I realize how much he loves me, I fall in love with him, and we cannot understand his love for us until we understand his love for christ. Jesus was his one true love, his son, and he sent him for ME. Even if it had just been me, he'd still have sent him. Jesus is the most imprtant thing to god and he sacrificed that for me. He is our love, and we need to feed on him. Take this story for instance, the samarian woman some of you may be familiar with it... Anyways the just of it is jesus and his disciples are travelling and jesus is exhausted and hungry so he waits by this well while his entourage heads out and gets him some food. While he's wiating for them to return, a woman comes to fill her bucket and he fills her with his love and she takes it and goes and tells her village about what just happened. Then his disciples return with food... only jesus doesn't want any now. He's full, he's satisfied. When we take from jesus he is satisfied! We need to be asking or the things we desire and need in faith and with authority. not with 'if's' but with faith in what we are asking and we need to wait for the harvest of waht we ask! Jesus wants to give us good things, it satisfies him just liek it satisfied him at that well 2000 years ago!

Another eye opener is that god doesn't love me for what i do or my services, he loves me jst because i am me, i don't need to earn his love, i need to embrace it and walk in it and know i am his beloved. And nothing i do changes his love for me. just because i sin, get angry or frusturated doesn't mean he's loving on me any less. With that truth i can walk in self esteem and confidence that doesn't come from my profession, my clothes, looks or wealth, i can walk in confidence knowing i am his beloved and a princess to my daddy who rules over this whole world. Pretty neat!

side note- check out the latest of B & J cake designs(ha yes we named ourselves!)

I'm excited!

2009-02-16T18:02:00.000-08:00

God's doing some major healing in my life right now. There's been light brought to my life in a particular area through many different events over the past week. I'm really excited for what he's doing and where he's going to take me. For all my prayer warriors in my blog world, please pray for total healing in my life! If you want more details feel free to email me and I'll fill ya in!

Family Day Weekend Plans

2009-02-12T16:24:00.000-08:00

Friday: Princess party!
An event my church puts on- all the 'princesses' in our church show their true colors as they dress up in their ball gowns and their prince charming(dad) escorts them to the ball(church sanctuary) where they will decorate cookies, do a craft, hear some stories, get pictures, have tea, and have a fashion show on the catwalk! My friends are all helping out as hostesses! This is a great oppurtunity to wear those dresses we only wore once! Vera's coming out of the closet!! Literally! Possibly followed by laser tag, depending on how badly T and B beg. Hopefully they won't read this.

Saturday: My first true sleep in in 2009, followed by scrumptious homemade waffles and mennonite sauce and mennonite iced tea. I'll be hanging out with max and sarah in the evening to give their mommy and daddy a night out! Accompanied by P.S. I love you and Soo wui's Chinease delivery!

Sunday: Cupcake decorating wiht my girl B and my friend M's birthday party!
Monday: 2nd sleep in of 2009! At 6pm I'll be watching Jason whisk the girls off to N.Z. My pick from the beginning- Molly.

this and that

2009-02-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

1. I am jealous of a 3 year old. almost everyone who knows me, knows i have wanted ugg boots for years but can't justify them. my boss aimee called me about 30 minutes ago and i just got off the phone with her. she had to tell me about her friend J (a librarian at a school and her husband is a high school teacher) just bought her 3 year old daughter UGG boots for $130!!!!! can you believe that?! I can't even afford them and i'd wear them every day for like 5 years! J also got the most beautiful GIANT metallic/patch work coach bag for chirsitams and i've never seen her in the same outfit twice, everytime we see her she 'just splurged!' Anyways Aimee and i were just shocked and wondering HOW!!! Boy people have different priorites in life, eh??

2. for all those who don't know this (or attend bethesda church...) JESUS IS LOVE. My friend D and I went to bethesda young adults service where the pastor point blank declared jesus doens't just hate sin, he hates those WHO SIN! maybe he was going for shock value, but are you kidding me?! Thats against everything the bible says and everything jesus on earth stood for.

3. On a happier note, our bible study(a dvd series of Pastor Joseph Prince) is going fantastic! He's teaching us how much and how strongly the lord loves us. We can't imagine gods love for us until we realize how much he loved his son jesus. I love that even though i am a sinner, he loves me and isn't going to condemn me for my sin but love me still. Sure we miss out on things when we sin, but because jesus died for me when i sin it goes into a box, and is sealed by grace and blood is sprinkled on top of that box. when god see's his son's blood on my sin he goes past it! How's that for love?!?!

4. This last weekend i went to this amazing wedding where the dads both came up during the ceromony to bless and pray for their children, it was the most amazing thing i'd seen, i loved it and i hope my dad will do that at my wedding. Then on saturday i made 400 cookies, with my team of volunteers! Most where my friends which is great. I have great friends who give up their saturdays to come and bake with me! Then about 15 of us went to see 'he's not that into you' which was a preview of my life! ha. seriously though. Sunday i was in the canada room(for 3 year olds) at my church and then went to R and R's for lunch and a movie. All in all a great weekend!

5. This weekend we have this event called the princess party wherere the girls and dads in our church get all dressed out to celebrate our princesses and have a fun filled evening. the hostesses(me) get dressed up to! I'm excited to see it all play out, i was there last year, but htis year i was on the planning comittee so i'm excited to see my hard work! Pictures to follow!!

6. I am good luck chuck. Anyone see the movie? pretty much, date me and you'll get engaged to the next girl you date. First Nowell to Chelsea, Now angela decided to move to edmonton and get engaged to jonathan this month. Cool eh? godo for them all finding happiness or something mature like that. I decide i'm going to be engaged by december. haha.

To Verna (and the others interested):

2009-02-02T15:15:00.001-08:00

My dad called from Tel Aviv today. They arrived safely and the flight was great! They were en route to a restaurant before heading to their hotel. Tomorrow will be their first day of the tour.

Cheryl, Chantel, and Bobby update:
Monique(their travel buddy) flew back home today leaving the three of them in pheonix to finish off details. They've finally got a cremation date. Wednesday they will be cremating ken. The cremation is really their only option now for getting him back into canada. The ashes will take 24 hours to cool off and settle, so thursday afternoon ken will finally be realeased from arizona. Bobby, Chantel, Cheryl and Ken's remains will be coming home on friday morning. Bobby intends to return back at work on monday morning. They've decided to wait for the funeral until the end of the month, this may same strange, but since the body has been cremated there is no rush, and with cheryls family all over canada they want as many people to be able to attend as want to. So that's all i know as of right now. Please continue to pray for my brother and sister in law as they come to terms with everything that has happened in the last week!

No rhyme or reason

2009-02-01T18:45:00.000-08:00

This week, Chantels dad passed away. You all probably know this already. Times like these are when it's hard to be away from family. I wish i could be there with my brother and chantel. I wish i could just hug them and do nothing with them. But I am at home in edmonton. I made the choice to move to alberta. I knew these times would be hard but i knew it was worth it. I honestly don't know if i can afford it(time wise) to even come back for the funeral. I'm on a committee for the kids at church and we have this huge event in 2 weekends from now. NExt weekend i have to make 300 cookies for it and i have a wedding to go to. My life is too busy. I need to start saying no to things. I could easily be busy every night of the week(alot of weeks i am!). Oh well i guess i'd rather be busy then bored!

Anyways....that was a very round about way to say that i probably will come home for the funeral, i guess it's more important then cookies right?! Part of me doesn't want to come for it because it'll be a really depressing weekend. but maybe is hould stop being selfish.

so... agnes, i am going to need my waffle and white sauce and mennonite iced tea fix, so expect a call for some good old MJ's with your fav cousin!

Vikki and Jolene - get your butts to steinbach while i'm there

Ang i expect some caperinia's!

On a funnier note.... i still have not learned how to walk, thursday i went to the library and it was glass ice on the sidewalk and i was walking quickly and turned the corner and bailed so incredibly hard and slightly side ways. i don't think anyone saw, but it was funny none the less.

Yesterday it was my girlfriends birthday, and fun was had all around. It's amazing how much fun a few girls can have together just hanging out and playing games. My friend B and I made a cake for the birthday girl and it was pretty much amazing, i'll attatch a picture so you can see my beautiful culinary skills at work.

22 and counting

2009-01-05T15:17:00.000-08:00

This year I experienced my best birthday ever! I finally realized that this is home. I've decided to let go of people who hold me back, manitoba, and england, and begin to embrace this place called alberta...which may be the best place i've lived so far! I have the most amazing friends who showed their love for me on my birthday!
It started out when 3 of my closest friends showed up with gifts in one hand and a bottle of rum in the other exclaiming 'LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!' We each helped ourselves to the classy drink of rum and coke(generous on the rum!) and painted our nails, finishing our make-up and catching up on our holiday stories. After our nails were dry, our hair was sprayed, and our cups were emptied we headed to Julios Barrio, this mexican restaurant, to meet some more friends! Julio's was pretty quiet considering it was a friday night, so fortunately for us, our waiter was very dedicated and good for many laughs! Highlights of Julios include: Tequilla shots with sparklers, random lady from across the room doing a little birthday dance just for me, Baja Rose, and of course my beloved fajitas!
My gifts included:

'Ultimate Damsel in Distress Kit and Manuel'. Which included booster cables (since everyone knows my car history), Lipgloss, Flashlight and Batteries, and of course Scope. These four gifts were accompanied with a homemade booklet with directions for all their uses, all in which to pick up boys.
Bumble and Bumble Hairspray, which coincidentally i've just ran out of.
Many months worth of starbucks gift cards!
Boy do my friends know me or what!
After Julios, we headed to dion's place and had soem fun with the wii and chit chatting. All in all this birthday recieves 5 out of 5 stars! Thanks for a memorable night girls!!

Christmas Traditions

2008-12-30T18:07:00.000-08:00

This year i was sad I didn't have any traditions.

I remember every year growing up.... turkey dinner followed by the candlelight light service christmas eve, followed by dad reading(until we were old enough to read ourselves and pass the bible around) the christmas story in Luke, then we'd open our presents. Always accompanied with my parents secret punch with floating ice cream and maraschino cherries! Then christmas morning we'd have to the full gospel chaple youth centre for our massive penner family gathering. These have many fabulous memories, some including my male cousins kicking holes in the moving walls in the basement, one cousin stealing all the 'exit' signs, running around in the basement, excellent old fashioned mennonite soups, singing to grandma and grandpa to recieve our cheques, and then we'd go home and my cousin jolene would come over for night and we'd play with our new toys.

since high school my traditions have changed.... o5 christmas day was spent flying to europe, 06 i was in Cancun, 07 i spent christmas eve brunch with my bosses and brad and dion then went to the chrismtas eve service and to the hilsdens, then flew to vancouver on christmas day. This year I spent christmas eve working for the first time in my life and attended the christmas eve service at church. Christmas day I opened presents with the Ken, Aimee, Sarah, Max, Cal, Edna, and grndma nichols(i dont actually now her name), went to rennie and romas for a delicious eggs benny brunch, headed to a movie with amy, and then went to a family gathering for dinner. I managed to see each of my closest friends for christmas festivities!

After going over the last 5 years of christmas' I realize one thing... christmas can be fun no matter where you are as long as you surround yourself with family whether your related or not! So thats my christmas tradition.... people i love.

too blessed? thinking out loud.

2008-12-22T22:38:00.000-08:00

I have it pretty good. The lord has been very gracious to me despite my many, many, many failings. As you all know I am a nanny. I love my job and i love the kids. I enjoy spending time wiht them and look forward to work everyday. That's just my job. I love my church. I'm actively involved in childrens and young adults ministries, as well as any extra event the church may be putting on, these commitments are never burdens and always enjoyed and usually i find them more a blessing to myself then others. I have made incredible friends with some of the people who also attend, as well as amazing friendships with most on staff. I have people who love me all over canada aswell as europe. I live in one of the nicer areas of edmonton. I have never had to worry about food or a place to live. I have a nice fully loaded(including seat warmers) car. I have a giant wardrobe and well over 40 pairs of shoes. I have fantastic brothers who both found amazing wives.
Like i said i have it good... I almost feel embarassed over how good I have it. Recently my cousin lost her first baby(which was a miracle to begin with). I was asked to be maid of honor in my close friends wedding. unfortunately the wedding has been called off as of saturday and naturally my friend is beyond devestated. Last year my mom left my dad. I look at all these people with such HUGE sorrows and hurts. I can't help but wonder 'when is it my turn?'
Last night i was texting back and fourth with a male friend of mine and i just said all i want to do is cry for these people. My heart breaks for them, but they are not my problems. But i feel their pain. The biggest problem in my life is that i'm single. Pathetic eh? Praise the lord, that's all i've got. I love the lord for giving us compassion for one another. Maybe it's time i start sharing my blessing with others.

This world

2008-12-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, im not so good at keeping up with the blog. Sorry for those of you who actually check, i'll try to do better.

Last night my cousin Jolene gave birth to Noah Gabriel. Noah is now with jesus and his fantastic great grandma and great grandpa who will all take care of him until his mama and him can be re-united.

Jolene's strength is something i hope i can have one day. This world says no. I have heard so many people say 'why did she keep it?' IT! like it's a thing! A frien this morning said she didn't even want me to tell her what happened with my cousin last night. Are we that cold that we can shut off our ears, therefor shut out tragedies? Little Noah is a creation of god, he was perfect in gods image. He came here and lucky for him his purpose was completed quickly and he gets more time with jesus. This little boy recieved so much love in his short 9 months he was with us. He was pure joy for Jo. I remember her emailing earlier this year... something along the lines of 'we just found out i will never get pregnant...' and no joke within the month i recieved a second email 'WE'RE PREGNANT!!!' God answered their prayers, he answered her cry, he blessed her with a baby, and he's taken that baby to be with him. I think she was so brave and faithful to say no to the world, and yes to God. Noah had a purpose. He wasn'ta mistake, he was wanted and he was loved by so many! I'm so thankful for the impact he's made in my life, never mind in the life of his mommy and daddy, aunties and uncles, and grandparents!

My mind is racing with thoughts on how so many christians can be so worldly(myself included) and just think 'it's okay, that law doesn't apply to me', abortion (or as the doctors call it 'early induction'), a friend who thinks it's okay to marry a person who's divorced without biblical grounds. The way i have no problem exaggerating a story, or omitting a crucial point to make the story or myself sound better. The way us north americans think everything that's not okay is okay. We all need a wake up call, we all need to get into our bibles, we all need to memorize his truths, commands and laws and live according to them each and every day. It's time start living as though we are different, instead of just saying it.

Thank you Noah For opening your aunties eyes!

Victoria, you've turned into an amazing young woman, your strength and love for your sister has inspired me so much! I love you like the little sister i never had, i so enjoy our talks on msn and our random texts!

Jolene, my heart breaks for you. I love you so much and have shed countless tears this week for you. You have not been out of my mind for more than half an hour in the past two weeks. Your the strongest person i know and i admire you so much for it.

Verna, you are an amazing Nana! And an amazing mom! I ask god to bless you for being the amazing lady of faith you are!

My morning...

2008-10-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

'jacquelyn.... did you know that when you pray your talking to god?'
'that's right sarah, you can talk to him whenever you want to'
'im going to talk to him now... jacquelyn! put your hands like this (folds hands)... he won't listen if you don't do that'
(silent chuckle to myself) 'okay monkey'

'Dear god,
sometimes im sorry but sometimes im not. i like my dolls, and im contented which means im happy because im not sorry because im happy. but sometimes i am. mommy has a baby. it's gracies birthday. i don't want to eat my melon anymore. i want apples...
(now speaking to me) then you have to tell him the end so he stops listening and thats how you pray, okay? okay. i want an apple'

An interesting take on prayer. Which made me think of my prayer life. Lately everything in my life has been go-go-go. i go here, and have to race to the next place, then to the next. That I am rarely making time to work on my prayer life. I mean the real stuff, not the half hearted prayer before you go to sleep or 'dear god please let this light turn green'. So thank you sarah for giving me a bit of a wake up call on how prayer works...

Reasons I Love Amy King

2008-10-16T14:45:00.000-07:00

Because the first time i met her she was laying spread eagle on angela's bathroom floor with a bag of frozen peas getting her wax on.

Becauase one time Janet and I tried waxing her bikini line and got the wax stuck on and she ha to use paint thinner to get it off.

Because we could watch mtv and play on facebook together all day and not feel guilty.

Because we could go through McDonalds drive through and get one mcchicken meal and one big mac meal, eat it in the parking lot and go through a second time for more.

Because I know all her passwords and she knows all of mine.

Because she's not afraid to speak her mind to anyone at anytime.

Because we could spend a whole week in a shopping mall together.

Because we both like to be skinny but like mcdonalds too much for that to happen.

Because she makes delicious chicken and rice with soy sauce and honey.

Because she has the same size feet as me so i can steal her shoes.

Because she helped me deal with psycho kelsey kids and threatened to lock them in their rooms forever.

Because one time we were in Kingsway and she almost passed out in Lululemon and we ended up spending an entire evening in Fort Sask Hospital then eating pitas, chips and dip, tim hortens, and slurpees.

Because she loves to dirty dance especially with giant black men.

Because one time we went to dots fashion wearhouse and adam mackayle couldn't take his eyes off of us.

Because she loves orphans and africa and thinks shes black when shes the whitest person i know.

Because she is selfless and would give up everything she has to help someone.

loooooooooove you and misssss you

Powerful Women

2008-10-15T12:06:00.001-07:00

I love my cousin Agnes, she sends me emails a few times a week, soemtimes ones about her life, her sons life, our family, and then every once in a while she'll forward something to me:

Powerful Women:
Live your life in such a way
that when your feet hit the
floor in the morning
Satan shudders and says,
'Oh, shit. She's awake.'

Lives of Integrity. Words of Prophecy.

2008-10-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

Last year the young adults at our church turned into Young marrieds/young engaged. For the few of us who were actually young adults and also single, attending these session only reminded of us where we were at... or rather, where we were not. Many of the young adults who needed to be in a group did not attend due to these circumstances. This year not one person showed up on the first night of young adults.

Pastor Judy, Dion and I were at breakfast one day when the three of us thought up the idea of the 'Young Ladies of the Well'. For those of you who do not attend my church, 'The Well' is the ladies department of my church overseen by Judy Hilsden, and run by Annelise Bronder.

We decided at that breakfast things needed to be changed, and nothing would unless someone stepped up.

I'm now running the Young Ladies of the Well, and we're doing the study on the Book of Daniel by Beth Moore. I heard her studies were great from many ladies in church, as well as some relatives back in Manitoba. I had no idea going in what to expect.

We're now in our third week and I can honestly say my perspective has been drastically changed. I have heard the story of Daniel in the lions den countless times growing up. And the story of his 3 friends, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, being thrown in the fire. But the words never hit me like they have over the last three weeks.

To feel the fire, to be told bow down or that is your fate immedietly. To speak to the king by only his first name and say NO! To proclaim 'THERE IS A GOD IN HEAVEN' who will save us, we have nothing to fear. To know that nothing is impossible through God, to have the courage to step up and be tossed into that fire. Now that is integrity. It makes you stop and think where you are in your walk and whether I'd be as strong as they were. I am so thankful for a God in heaven who is the same God that saved them, as he is today. And I can't wait for that day when I get to meet these 4 extrodinary men.

Healing Rain

2008-10-14T19:54:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I dwell on things I don't have. I get sad, upset, jealous, and sometimes angry. Then I stop for a second and look around. I live in a beautiful home in one of the nicest areas of Edmonton. I have couches, a big-screen, a GIANT closet (that's far from empty), I have a car with command start - for those cold winter days, I have about 35 pairs of shoes. These are just material things, I also have amazing friends. The Hilsden family who've become my family away from home. The Nichols, who are my bosses - yet the ones i call when sandwiched between two cars on the whitemud, I have Roma who's an awesome support, huge encouragement, and an person. I have Dion who will call me on anything and love me through it all. I have Amy who I could do just about anything in front of. These are all people i've known less than a year. I also have my family and friends back in manitoba who love me.

How blessed am I! Seriously, I have everything i need, physically, emotionally, financially. God's truly blessed me and he's given me so much more than I deserve.

I have a friend with only half a heart, but if you'd ask me I'd say she has the biggest heart of all. I have not hear her once complain about her situation. She keeps her eyes on the prize, is joyful, encouraging, loving, and sincere. She loves jesus with every bit of that tiny heart of hers. She's the most inspirational person i've met. I just love her, and so look forward to that awesome day, when the doctors look at the scar on her chest and can't figure out how there's a full heart in there!

Then I have this cousin. She's 2 weeks older than me. Growing up we were bff's. She'd come over for christmas. We'd easy bake together. We'd make creepy-crawlies together. We'd go camping together. She wants a family more than anything else and was devestated when she was told that would never happen. To our delight less than a month after this news she became pregnant! How exciting! I was so thrilled for her. Then the news came. The baby has an extremely rare disease. She can carry him to term, but he will only live a very short time after birth. The obvious solution in the doctors mind was inducing labour. A candied over version of kill your baby now instead of carry him to term. To my delight she's carry him to term, and that baby will live for however long God wants him to. Jay is sending her son to be with Jesus on his terms!

So this puts some perspective on my life. I really have nothing to complain about and everything to be thankful for. I'm thankful for a cousin who has such amazing values, morals, and beliefs, that she will keep this baby as long as she can. I'm thankful for a friend who can find joy in a life that's been so unfair to her. I'm thankful for a Saviour who came to earth and died the worst imaginable death just for me. If it was only me... he still would have done this! Hallellujah!

I believe our god is the same god who spat in mud, rubbed it on a mans eyes and healed him of blindness. I believe my god can and will touch my loved ones. I believe healing will happen!

FAQ's

2008-08-26T14:02:00.000-07:00

What do you do all day?

Well folks, I don't just sit around and do nothing while she watches tv all day! Actually our weeks are planned out pretty precisely. Each day has a craft, some form of exercise, a special activity, a lot of reading! Generally we do a fun activity where we leave the house in the morning, we come home and I make a lunch that includes all 4 food groups. After that it's nap time for Kiki, and I do some actual work. Whether it be vacuuming, Ironing, Errands, Cooking, or scheduling our next week!

If the mom doesn't work, why do they have you?

Because this mom devotes all her time and energy to Kiki. When she's with her, she's 100% with her. I come in so she ccan make her phone calls, send her emails, go to appointments and do errands. Not too mention shes 7 months pregnant and needs lots of rest!

How much money do you make?

Since when is this ever an appropriate question?? To set the record straight, I make enough to live off of and enjoy life.

How do you get into this?

You use an online agency. www.nannies4hire.com, or www.greataupair.com

Are you going to do this forever?

Who knows, as long as God keeps me doing this.

Beyond Blessed

2008-08-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my blog. I'm sitting here blogging as I hear a small voice from the living room saying over and over and over again 'mama called the doctor and the doctor said NO MORE JUMPING ON MY BED!' Hey, my little monkey (also referred to as Kiki) is 2, give her a break! It's impressive she even knows the song.

What an amazing life I have been blessed with. I have a job which i love. I wake up excited to go to work. I get to paint, bake, create, sing, dance, laugh every day, all day. On top of that, I get to wear lululemons to work everyday. I've got it good. Not only do I adore the little monkey(also referred to as Kiki) I spend my days with, but her parents are great. I'm not 'nanny'. I'm family. I join them with meals, I spend evenings watching girly TV with Lady Nicks, and receive tickets from Mr Nicks. I am so much more than nanny to these wonderful people.

I love my little monkey so much. Some times I wonder if I could ever love my own nieces or nephews as much as I love Kiki. The smile she gives me with her scrunched up nose makes my heart melt daily, actually hourly. Her squeels of delight on my arrival are priceless. When she lunges into my arms when shes frightened and Im the only one who can protect her make me feel not only appreciated but loved.

I can't help but compare this love I have for kiki, to the love my father in heaven has for me. It doesn't matter if i screw up, he's there waiting for me to come back and say I'm sorry, He never stops loving me even if i've screwed up hugely. And sometimes it takes me a few times to get it right. His love for me is so much stronger than my love for Kiki, and my mind can't even comprehend that love. For that... I am eternily greatful!